eXtasy Advent Calendar – Day 5

Welcome to my day of the extasy advent!

When I thought about sitting down to write this blog post I planned on doing a heartwarming Christmas entry that would tug at the heart strings and remind everyone that the holiday season was about spending time with loved ones and all that jazz.

That was the plan…until I got on the bus to come home one day and was faced with one of the creepiest toys I’ve ever seen, peeking out of a woman’s shopping bag. I can’t even make myself search for it in google. Suffice to say that it was purple, had what looked like human teeth, one drugged-out eye and one glowing eye that moved when you moved (it had freaking motion sensors!) and had the ever so frightening slogan on the box ‘Get me before I get you?’ What was worse was that it had pictures of kids playing with it on the box too! I have no idea how children could be around this toy without running out of the room screaming.

Now, I am a full believer in that the presents aren’t as important as the thought behind them. The best presents I have ever given and received have been ones that cost nothing or very little but had a lot of thought behind them. That’s the spirit of the holidays I think people tend to forget under the constant bombardment of advertising and things like Black Friday.

Everyone also knows that one person who gives the best presents, sometimes things that you didn’t even know you wanted until you have one. On the flip side of this there is also that one friend or family member that gives the weird and sometimes disturbing gifts. I’m talking about the presents you’re scared to open just in case there happens to be a body part hidden under the sparkly wrapping.

Sometimes the weird presents are just a pair of knitted elephant boxer shorts with a suspiciously placed trunk. Other times, the strangeness factor is amped up with googly eyes— everything is weirder with googly eyes— or a faint smell you can’t quite identify. These are the times when one might have use of that empty space at the back of the wardrobe or under the bed. It would be rude to simply throw the present out, after all it is the thought that counts. But when the present is truly creep worthy, there is only one place for it. The freezer.

Now, the freezer isn’t to be used for just any old scary gift such as a gym membership or the DVD of Mean Girls. The horror! I am talking about the dolls/figurines that you can imagine clawing up the stairs with a kitchen knife or a teddy bear that has the dead expressionless eyes of a serial killer. Christmas seems to be the time when the scariest dolls, teddy bears, toys etc. all come out to play on the store shelves.

I’ve received my fair share of weird and wonderful gifts, but I’ve also given a couple. One time I gave my best friend a zombie minion doll. A yellow minion eating its own brain isn’t as cute or funny as I thought when I read the product description but it was too late to back out by the time it arrived in the post. Of course when my friend opened the box and actually loved it- I mean squeal and hug it love it- I questioned her sanity a little. I’m sure my friend had the same reaction when I bought all the superhero and paranormal character bad taste bear ornaments and arranged them in a fight scene spanning all six shelves of my bookcase. I thought it was awesome but apparently having a Frankenstein and Dracula teddy bear figurine fighting off a terminator bear is weird.

The only truly scary Christmas gift I’ve received was a sock monkey that looked like it was the physical vessel for everything evil in the world. I kept waking up in the night at every little sound. So I organised a little accident for the monkey that involved my dogs and the promise of a treat if they managed to lose it. This was my master plan at least…until my friend came around to the house, caught my dog with the monkey and kindly offered to keep it at her house when I told her how the dogs wouldn’t leave it alone. I felt guilty for the lie but when I saw the glint of amusement in her eye I knew I’d been played. She’d set me up. That’s why we’re best friends. Since then, our Christmas tradition has been to find the other the scariest, creepiest and sometimes weirdest gift we can find.

So now that I would like to invite you all to tell me about the weird, funny and scary gifts you’ve been given. I’ll pick one at random to win an ebook copy of my contemporary Christmas story- Briefcase Booty.


And today’s word is…

7 thoughts on “eXtasy Advent Calendar – Day 5

  1. nice post. I have two presents that could, I just be in that class. more fun tho, because one I asked for relentlessly, while giggling the other my mum found and got me after my son was born, even though she didn’t like the idea behind the toy.
    a Mad Cow and a Chock a Chicken 🙂 – love them both!

  2. My eldest daughter has a fantastic sense of humor, she knows I don’t like public toilets they really freak me out…. I opened a present a couple of years back it was a toilet shaped money box… with the slogan spend a penny on it… I looked horrified everyone else was rolling around in fits of laughter….
    Great blog post hun 🙂

  3. I guess I’ve been pretty lucky, I can’t think of a weird or scary gift, but I’ve had some incredibly meaningful and sweet ones. The year I had my first book in print, my son gifted me with a copy that he’d purchased. I thought it was so sweet. Made me feel like he was proud of me. 🙂
    Great post, SA! Cheers!

  4. I remember getting a doll once and it wasn’t supposed to be scary but I didn’t like it in the wisdom of an eight year old I threw it down the back of my wardrobe years late when we moved I found it again!

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